I think about death a lot. Multiple times a day, everyday.
 
  I'm not scared or worried about dying. I'm always thinking about all the different ways I could die.  I worry about the deaths of those around me and how it would effect my mentality. There's a few beings that if I lost them from my life it'd turn everything I've known upside down. I do have attachment issues, not just to them but to a lot of things in my life.

  One of them is a parent, not the best parent but a lot better than my other one. They were in a car accident a few years ago and I broke down. It was well after 1am and I was ready to get dressed and walk to the hospital they had been taken to for tests. Since that day I've been very paranoid about them whenever they're not home. We're not very close, we probably were closer when I was younger but they weren't around a lot since they had to deal with my eldest sibling's troubles.

  I like to think I raised myself because I didn't learn how to do things til years after everyone else. Those life long habits your parents are supposed to get you into, those weren't things I was taught and I hate that. I hate how my life turned out because I was the one in charge of it without any guidance of how to do so. It's just another reason to hate myself really.